Madness Within
by Mary-Jane Black
Summary: This story centers on Remus starting at school and dealing with the fact that hes a Werewolf. Please read! I am almost done with the 2nd chapter, I sware I will try to get it up.


Chapter one: School Tomorrow 

I now fully understand the term "Madness Within." But then, I always have. I've been a werewolf sense I was five. My mum and dad are always there for me even if they can't actually be _there_. I sometimes get the feeling even my mum was afraid of me. My name is Remus Lupin and this is my story.

"Mom, tell me more about Hogwarts!" I said enthusiastically, eating my eggs as fast as I could. I couldn't believe I was going to Hogwarts tomorrow.

"I've told u every thing I remember, and I bought you, _Hogwarts A History_." My mother said in her patient and kind way.

"It's just so enchanting."

"I know." She said fondly.

"What house do you think I will be in."

"I told you the sorting hat chooses the right house for you."

I looked at my shoes "did dad say weather he could get off work tomorrow?" I asked fearing the answer.

"No. I'm sorry hun, he just has to much work at the office."

"Oh" My father was a muggle, and my mum, a witch. I had no idea what my dad did for a living, just that he worked in a cubicle. My mum worked at the ministry of magic, in the floo powder network. I never had a good relationship with my father, being a muggle he could never fully understand the world mum and me belong to. But he tries. That and my being a werewolf, he would never understand me. I don't even understand me.

"It's a full moon next week" she said tentatively, knowing she was approaching a tense subject.

"Yeah" I said airily, wanting to get off this subject.

"Do you remember every thing Professor Dumbledore said?"

"Yes" I said finding my shoes extremely fascinating. I wanted to avoid this subject as much as possible. I wanted to pretend it didn't exist. But it's my problem, and only I can face it. My transformations were the only things I didn't anticipate at Hogwarts. Dumbledore had prepared a safe place where I could transform away from people yet still get my education. I'm a danger to everyone around me. And myself, I'd almost killed myself a few times, from having nothing else to attack or kill. I'm truly a monster; sometimes I wish I had killed myself. The world might be better off. I've never killed a human, but I have killed numerous small animals. Countless number of unlucky bunnies that crossed my path, a few cats, a dog, some rats, a few birds, and I even took on a doe once. I felt horrible leaving three baby deer motherless. I never have any memory of what took place the night before, when I was a monster. But I can sometimes guess by the scattered carcasses of slotered animals rotting around me when I wake. No child should have to deal with this, **nobody **should have to deal with this, this madness within.

I can only hope that I will make a friend. But my hopes are not high. I had had only a few friends, all of them muggles. I fear attachment, that some body will find out and be afraid of me. Most start to ignore my when I become distant once a month.

"Oh! I've got to get to work!" mum said looking at watch, breaking my train of thought. "You be good and tomorrow you can go to Hogwarts!"

"I'd get to go to Hogwarts any way. Tomorrow's the first of September."

"I now that. So, did u want to go to Diagon Ally today?"

"Yeah, maybe"

"Well here's some money." She dropped a small pile of galleons on the table.

"Wow" I breathed.

"And you can keep what's left!"

"Than-"but she was gone. She had apparated away.

I watched some muggle TV, but I was easily bored. Finding I couldn't watch any more I picked up my Transfiguration book, _A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration_, and attempted to finish the tenth chapter. I just didn't want to go to Diagon ally; I had been far to many times this summer and hardly found it interesting to go alone anymore. Nothing ever changed there, I was sure it would be far more interesting to go with a friend. sigh Mum always said 'The most important things you can have are friends. Always treasure a good friendship.' Though that was something I had never had, a good friendship or a good friend at all. Finally giving in to going, I couldn't concentrate on the word on the page, I turned on the WWN and started to get ready.

I changed my cloths, grabbed my extra sickles and the money my mum had left me. I waited for my favorite song by _The Vampires _to end before turning it off and walking over to the fireplace

"Diagon Ally" I said and stepped in to the green flames.

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